John Park, 32 the Loaning, Motherwell, North Lanarkshire, Strathclyde, Scotland, U.K. ML1 3HE
tel. 01698 263756 mobile 0781 8618547"e" mail firstname.lastname@example.org (click on this to send me an "e" mail) this web site www.3d-cad-steelwork.com
Q: What’s the connection between a man getting a promotion at work and him taking Viagra ?
A: Both give him a rise that his wife appreciates.
Paul is having problems making love to his wife and confides in his mate Alex. "I've got a spare packet of Viagra you can have," Alex says "Give them a try" A week later they meet up for a drink. "So how's it going?" Alex grins. "The pills you gave me haven't worked." Paul say's "Turns out they're past their swell-by date."
A woman goes into the chemists and asks the pharmacist: "Do you have Viagra?" "Yes" he answered. "Does it work?" she asked. "Yes" he answered. "And can you get it over the counter?" she asked. "I can if I take two" he replied.
Last week I went to visit my parents. Having used their toilet I opened the bathroom wall cabinet and there was a packet of Viagra. I approached mum and said “Mum you’re both in your 80’s What’s the Viagra for ?” “Well” she said. “If I give your dad a half tablet, It stops him peeing on his toes, and if I give him a full tablet, it stops him rolling over and falling out of bed in the morning”
This bloke is suffering from lack of excitement In the marital sex department. He approaches his doc. who prescribes Viagra. Following the instructions on the bottle he takes a pill an hour before his wife is due in. The pill works wonders and he’s raring to go but his wife doesn’t turn up. After another fifteen minutes he panics and calls the doctor asking what he should do. While on the phone explaining things to the quack he says “Here’s my sister in law at the front door” “hold on” says the doc “why don’t you ask her if she’ll oblige.” “But I don’t need a Viagra when I have it off with her” was the reply.
(pinched from Tam Cowan’s second joke book)
An elderly bloke walks into the chemist and asks if these Viagra pills are any good. “Yes” replies the pharmacist “we sell a lot of them.” “And can you get it over the counter?” enquires the old fellow. “Not with one pill” replied the chemist “but if you take two or three you will.
readers digest joke
"Would you like some breakfast, darling?" said the wife to her husband. "No thanks," he replied. The Viagra has taken away my appetite." "How about some lunch?" suggests the wife a few hours later. "The Viagra still hasn't worn off, so I'm still not hungry." "Well, would you like some supper?" the wife persists some time later. "Still don't fancy anything to eat. replies the husband. "Well are you going to get off me? says the wife. "Because I'm starving."
Q:- Did you hear about the bloke who sucked his Viagra instead of swallowing it?
A:- He ended up with a stiff upper lip.
This bloke is in the dentist’s chair being given a check up. “One of your teeth is badly decayed and it will have to come out” the dentist informs him. “But don’t worry” says the dentist “I’ll give you a jag and you won’t feel a thing” “No, no” says the bloke “I’m terrified of needles” “Well” the dentist replied “I can still give you gas” “That’s just as bad” the bloke advised. The dentist then went into his drawer and took a Viagra from a bottle and gave it to the fellow with glass of water. “I didn’t know Viagra relieved pain” say the bloke. “It doesn’t” uttered the Dentist “But it’ll give you something to hold onto while I pull this bloody tooth”
Q:- Why did the detective put Viagra into the suspects tea ?
A:- He was looking for some hard evidence.
This bloke walks into the chemists and asks for Viagra. “I’m sorry” said the chemist Viagra is a restricted drug. We can’t sell it willy nilly” So the bloke goes into his pocket and brings out a picture of his wife and shows it to the chemist.. “Sorry, I didn’t realise you had a prescription” was the reply.
What do Viagra and Alton Towers have in common?
Did you hear about the first Viagra conceived baby?
Have you heard about the first fatality caused by Viagra?
Have you heard about the bloke who got his sleeping pills mixed up with his Viagra. He ended up having forty wanks.
The shop floor workers in the Viagra factory were complaining about low wages. They ask their union official to fight their case. At the meeting with management he says “if members don’t get a rise soon he’ll be asking them to down tools”
Q;- What do you get if you smoke pot and take Viagra?
A:- Stiff joints.
Question : What did the mouse say after taking a Viagra?
Answer : Where’s the f***ing pussy now?
Why do people put Viagra in their tea? It stops the tea biscuits from going soft.
This bloke and his son are driving along the road. The father gets lost and becoming frustrated starts moaning. “It’s because you’ve forgotten to take the Viagra” says the son. The father replies “What on earth are you talking about?” “Well I heard mum talking to the lady next door” retorts the son“ and she says “You’d be lost without the Viagra”
Did you hear about the athlete who was tested positive for viagra? He tripped during the 100 Metre sprint and won a gold medal in the pole vault.
A parrot swallowed a Viagra so his owner put him in the freezer to cool off. Later on the householder opens the freezer door to find the parrot dripping with sweat. "How come your so warm after all this time in such a cool place?" asks the owner. The bird replied "Don't you know how difficult it is to make love to a frozen chicken?"
An 80 year old man went to the doctor and asked for a quarter of a Viagra. “Quarter of a pill !! That won't do much for your sex life.” said the doctor. "Doc, you don't understand. I don't want to have sex. I just just want to get the thing out there far enough that I can stop peeing on my shoes."
Q-: Did you hear about
the new Viagra computer virus?
Do you know what happens when a traffic warden takes Viagra? He grows taller.
A bloke is on holiday in Tunisia. As he walks through a bazaar one afternoon a dodgy looking fellow approaches him and offers to sell him Viagra for £100. "No not worth it" "Okay how about £50?" "No not worth it" "Okay" said the seller "How about £20 even £10" "No not worth it" "Listen" said the Arab "These pills are expensive, how can you say they're not worth it" "Oh it's not the pills, mate It's my wife she's not worth it"
Q-: What's the
difference between Niagara and Viagra?
Q-: Why did the baker add Viagra to his flour?
If you put a Viagra in your ear does it make you hard of hearing?