John Park, 32 the Loaning, Motherwell, North Lanarkshire, Strathclyde, Scotland, U.K. ML1 3HE
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A college lecturer sets his class a fun competition. He asks them to write as short a story as possible containing the three topics ie religion, sexuality and mystery. The winner wrote "My god, I'm pregnant. I wonder who's it is?"
A heavily pregnant woman went into the doctor’s waiting room and took a seat. Next to her was a fella who asked “What do you hope it will be?” “My f***ing husbands” She replied.
A little boy went up to a pregnant woman and asked: "Why is your tummy so fat?" "There's a baby growing in there," she cheerfully told him. The little one digested that information for a few seconds then asked: "So what's growing in your backside?"
This bloke who’s next to see the Doc. is patiently sitting in the waiting room. All of a sudden the surgery door is flung open and a young lady runs out screaming “I’m pregnant, I’m pregnant” When the bloke enters the doctors room he says ”That was Mary Smith from the bottom of my street. Is she really pregnant? “ “No” says the medic “But it’s sure cured her hiccups”
A pregnant woman visits the clinic for a check up. “Will the baby’s father be attending the birth?” asks the midwife “I doubt it “ replies the lady. “He and my husband don’t get on very well”
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no. The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked, "Can you get pregnant from anal sex?" The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think traffic wardens come from?"
Have you heard about the pregnant woman who went to Egypt on holiday. She came home as a Mummy.
A lady says to her pal: "I have to be really careful not to get pregnant. "Her confused pal asks: "But I thought your husband just had a vasectomy?" "Exactly," she replied.
Two flies are in a teapot. Which one is pregnant? The one that's up the spout.
A really ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids. "Are they twins?" asks the shopkeeper. "No ones nine and the others seven. Why? do you think they look alike?" "No" he replied "I just can't imagine anybody would s**g you twice"
Q:- What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A:- Well, you can unscrew a light bulb.
Two blokes sitting in the pub when one says to the other "If I go round to you house one afternoon while you're at work and have sex with your wife and she gets pregnant will that make us relations?" "No" replied the second bloke "But it'll make us even"