Divorce,Jokes

A married couple were out for a drink one night. While sitting in the corner of the bar an inebriated lady staggered by and slurred a hello to the bloke. After she had gone the bloke said “that was my ex. We separated five years ago. They say she’s been drunk every day since.” “That’s amazing” replied his present wife “still celebrating after all this time”

Patient:- Doctor I think I’m going mad !! All the time I hear voices in my head saying GET UP, CLEAN THE WINDOWS, HOOVER THE CARPETS.

Doctor:- You don’t need a doctor, you need a divorce.

Q: - How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

A:- What difference does it make?, they never get the house.

Q: - Why is divorce so expensive?

A:- Because it’s worth it.

Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife £275 a week." "That's very fair, your Honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few quid myself."

Dan married one of a pair of identical twins. Less than a year later he was in court filing for a divorce. "Tell the court why you want a divorce," the judge said. "Well, Your Honour," Dan started, "every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are identical, sometimes I'd end up making love to her by mistake." "Surely there must be some difference between the two women," the judge said. "Exactly, Your Honour. That's why I want the divorce!"

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife what is the problem. She responds “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation." The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?"
The husband replies "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."

A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife. "Please describe, "said his lawyer, "the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions to your wife's infidelity." "Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," the man testified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the wife." "One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the midst of some pretty heavy lovemaking when the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, 'Can't you at least stop all that racket at the weekends?'"

My wife ran off with my best friend. Whoever he is?.

One day Tim decides to visit his old friend Joe who has been married to this beautiful model now for a couple of years. When he gets there he realizes that there is a long line of men standing outside Joe's door. After a few inquires he learns that Joe's wife is having sex with these men. Confused, Tim goes in to talk to his friend Joe. He asks Joe, "Man, why don't you just divorce this unfaithful wife of yours?". Joe says , "Are you out of your mind! You want me to divorce her and go stand at the end of the line?"

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